Open Arms (any Journey fans out there?)

Happy 2012! A new year, a new start. At least that's what everyone hopes for. Unless you believe everything will be coming to an end in December, in which case...I guess it doesn't really matter! I honestly hope that this year is the start of good things to come. Last year was so draining. My kids were constantly sick due to the lovely fall-winter weather in the North of France. This is really not the best climate for asthma or eczema. Do you know what two of my French doctors told me is the best climate for my kids? Warm, humid weather...like Florida. Go figure! I also dealt with my own health issues (which thankfully, wasn't anything serious), but my husband went through the fear and stress right along with me. So, I welcome 2012 with open arms!

In exactly 37 days, we will be taking a family trip to Florida. Yes! I finally get to go home! Only for three weeks, but I'll take whatever I can get. I'm really looking forward to seeing my family and friends! Of course, the blue skies and sunshine probably won't hurt either. My family and I really need this break.

So to all of you out there, I wish you a happy belated 2012! May this be a better year for all of us.

The 7 year (b)itch

November 13th has come and gone. I've officially been living in France for 7 years. Even after all this time, I still have a love-hate relationship with France. Despite all the good things this country has to offer, it's still not home to me.

To sum up....

"You can take the girl out of America, but you can't take America out of the girl."

Someone, somewhere has said that phrase before!

I am stressed and depressed beyond belief. The urge to look at plane tickets and plan a trip (or a move) back to the US, is overwhelming. I find that's the only thing that makes me smile and keeps me going. Aside from my kids and hubby, of course!

I'm the Grinch, I'm the Scrooge (yeah, bah-humbug!), I'm the mega-bitch. I'm tried of trying to fit in, I'm tired of feeling different, I'm tired of being out of my element and comfort zone. I'm just plain tired.

For my kids, I smile and I'm in a good mood as we get ready for Thanksgiving.
But inside....I'm falling apart.

Falling into fall

When you have kids in another country, you work extra hard to try and make the holidays special for them. You have that feeling of nostalgia and wanting to share with them all the fun family traditions you had when you were a kid. Trying to re-create holiday traditions in a foreign country is far from easy. From searching for Halloween costumes and decorations, to finding all the ingredients for that special Thanksgiving recipe. This is the time of year when I really want to take my kids, hop a plane and go back home!

I'm thankful to have a few American friends in my area who can relate and help re-create these traditions. We organize Halloween parties, trick-or-treating outings, Thanksgiving dinners and other fun holiday get togethers.

November 13th will be 7 years I have been living in France. SEVEN! I'm still struggling with life here. I keep thinking it will eventually get better, but that feeling of wanting to leave never goes away. My daughter will be 5 in January, and I keep thinking how much fun it would be for her to start kindergarten next September. Last year, I thought for sure we would be back in the states by the time she was 5. As everyone knows, life doesn't always work out according to plan.

Living in France has given me some of the best experiences of my life. I adore my French family and greatly appreciate all that France has given me. Yet, I still feel like an outsider, a stranger, a foreigner. I don't fit in, and after 7 years....I doubt I ever will. Another thing that is becoming more apparent, my daughter is starting to realize that we're different. She's little miss chatter box now, so when we speak English in public it's even more obvious to others. We get looks, stares and comments from kids wondering why we are speaking a bizarre language. One day while waiting in line to pay for our groceries at Auchan, my daughter asked "why does everyone speak French all the time? Why don't they ever speak English?". Although she knows we live in a country called France where they speak French, she is curious as to why they never speak English like us. Because WE live in France, and WE speak English. I can understand how this can be just a tad bit confusing to a 4 year old!

When you read blogs about Americans living in France, most of the time you get a wonderful glimpse into French life. Although people do struggle with living here, most are able to adapt. But there are those like myself, who just weren't cut out for this kind of life. Getting over culture shock, learning a language, adjusting to a different way of life, keeping your own identity while trying to fit in....these are all difficult issues to deal with. Throw kids into the mix, and it gets 100x's harder. You have to put on a brave front and smile through it, for them. Now, I worry about my daughter (and when he's old enough to really talk, my son) feeling too different. Different is good, but not when you're made fun of or ostracized because of it.

Last Christmas, we went back to Florida to spend Christmas with my family. While I was there, I talked to an immigration attorney to find out how easy it would be to move back to the US. As it turns out, it would be quite easy. Especially now that my kids are officially Americans too. No more traveling to the US with French passports and getting questioned as to my intentions for bringing my French kids to the US!

Getting my husband on board with moving, that's another issue. The US economy, healthcare (or lack of it), no job security, guns and violence. After living in France, I can totally understand his reluctance. Despite my husband liking the US overall, it's going to be a hard sell.

And for the record, we speak English at home. My husband and I do not speak French to each other, though he does speak French to our kids. We live in our own English bubble at home. My husband acts much more American, than he does French! From his taste in music and sports, to the shows and movies he watches, to the work he does (working with international clients requires him to speak English on almost a daily basis). Do you see why I feel like we're in the wrong country?

So for now, I'll just get ready for Thanksgiving. I need more time to work more on my master plan. Operation: O'Canada! ;o)

To be continued....

Back to école

In just over 10 days, my daughter will be starting school. I'm a bit worried since I don't know how she is going to react. And there are some diffences between schools here and in the US. I'm not familiar with all of them, but a couple do stand out.

For example, a lot of kids start school by the age of 2. They go école maternelle for ages 2 to 6. You don't have to enroll your child by the age of 2, but it's mandatory by age 5. However, most people in France tend send their kids off to school as soon as they are 2 years old.

Potty training is also a very big deal. Your child must be "propre" (clean - aka potty trained) before he or she is allowed to go to school. If not, chances are your kid will not be accepted until they are able to go on their own.

A typical elementary school week is Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday. Wednesdays and weekends off! Yes!

What to do for lunch? Having a lunchbox or brown bag lunch is NOT the cool thing to do. Most kids eat school lunch. Though this sample menu doesn't look half bad!

My daughter is 3 1/2 years old, at this age she can go in for just half a school day. So she will be going from 8:30am to 11:30am. I am excited for her because she will learn new things and make new friends. She's pretty excited about starting school too!

The only fear I have, is her becoming an outcast. I shouldn't have to worry about that at her age, but she's bilingual and speaks English just as well (and as often) as she speaks French. Some parents and their kids already heard us speak when we attended a meeting at the school a month ago. We got some stares, and that was only a 2 hour meeting! I also have a friend who's American, and our girls will be in the same class. Our girls are good friends and only speak English to each other. I just hope that their English speaking won't cause other kids to think they're weird! Kids can be mean! Maybe our girls will end up speaking French to each other....who knows?!

We'll see what happens. Let the countdown begin!

31 words

So much has happened in the past few months, I can't even begin to go through it all. I have decided to sum things up in 31 words (31 to match my age! ;oD).

Here it goes!

Happy
Sleep deprived
Doctor appointments
Sweet boy
Smart girl
Sibling rivalry
Constantly cleaning
No time with husband
Trouble losing weight
Unexpected health problems
Losing patience
Trying to keep it all together!

Rockin' the Muffin Top

After fitting into a pair of my pre-pregnancy jeans, I realized I have a bit of a ways to go before I get rid of my muffin top.

This commercial made my day!

Oh, it's Valentine's Day!

I was so focused on posting my previous blog entry, I completely forgot that it was Valentine's Day today. My husband and I have never really celebrated much . We used to go out to dinner and a movie in the past, but all that has changed now that we have kids!

We actually talked yesterday about exchanging gifts. I told him I wanted a box of chocolates. He asked me "what do I get in return?" to which I replied...."I just gave you the best gift ever over a week ago!". I was talking about our son of course!

But to be honest, just relaxing at home with my family of 4 is better than any gift. A lazy Sunday with my hubby and kids. Perfect!

To those of you who do actually celebrate....Happy Valentine's Day!

Get me outta here!

That is how I was feeling after my 5 day stay at the hospital where I gave birth to my son. Yes, 5 long and tiring days in the hospital. I was climbing the walls wanting to get out of that place! And that was just for a "normal" vaginal (sorry guys) delivery. If I had gotten a c-section, it would have been a bit longer.

While I was laid up in the hospital getting checked on by doctors and nurses and being served some very good hospital food (no lie, it was really good!), my girlfriends and niece back home were being kicked out between 24 and 72hrs after delivering.

The American health care system is a mess to begin with, but pre-natal and post-natal care for women in the US is disappointing....especially when compared to France. What's even more sad is that among developed countries, the US has one of the worst infant mortality rates in the world.

By the way, I am not completely bashing health care in the US. My mother was a nurse for over 30 years and she was damn good at what she did. It's not so much the doctors and nurses, as it is the way the health care system is run in our country.

Despite my gripes, my son and I were well taken care of during our hospital stay. He is healthy and thriving. That is all that really matters.

Married with children

I am now the proud mother of two kids. Our son was born Tuesday February 2nd @ 5:38pm. I will post my birth story at some point, but just don't have the extra push (no pun intended!) in me to do it right now.

I just wanted to reflect on my feelings of being a mother of two. I wasn't sure how I would feel when my son arrived. My daughter has been the center of my universe for three years, so it was difficult to imagine sharing all that love. But I can honestly say....it can happen, it did happen!

I feel as though having my son has made me a better mother. True, it's only been five days...but I feel as though I appreciate my daughter more and just to be able to have my son makes me understand what being grateful really means. I suffered a heartbreaking miscarriage in December 2008, and to now have my son makes me more thankful than ever. Life is not something to be taken for granted.

I realize the road ahead won't be easy, but I am ready for the ride. I'm looking forward to experiencing this new chapter of motherhood!

Getting close

In just about 3 weeks (give or take) I'll be a mother of 2. While the thought of it overjoys me, it also scares the crap out of me. I have friends who have 2 or more kids, and they tell me what it's like and how they deal with it. But until I actually go through the experience myself, I'll never REALLY know!

I had my 37th week appointment today. Baby is doing well and ready to go, but I'm showing no signs of dialating just yet. Doesn't mean I won't go into labor tomorrow, but it's highly unlikely!

This pregnancy has been completely different from my first. I gained more weight (40lbs/18kg instead of 15lbs/7kg), felt more hungry, had more back pain and now I have a lot of pelvic pain and pressure. I had a comfortable pregnancy, but difficult birth with my daughter....this time around I have an uncomfortable pregnancy, so maybe I'll have an easier birth with my son. That would be nice!

Today my hubby and I went shopping for some last minute baby stuff. We are currently in the middle of les soldes d'hiver (winter sales) here in France. It's great because of all the sales, but we made the mistake of going shopping on a Wednesday. There's no school, so everyone and their mother is out shopping. People push, lines are long and the racks are empty. For some of our baby items, we had to go to 3 different stores just to find them. Shopping shouldn't be this hard!

This coming Sunday will be my daughter's birthday. She'll be 3! I can't believe how quickly time has passed. She's quite the talker (in both English and French). A couple of little phrases she likes to say are "actually mama..." and "c'est magnifique!". She's big into Disney movies and Mickey Mouse. She loves to sing and play Guitar Hero on our Nintendo Wii. She really enjoys playing with Play-doh and cutting up shapes with her scissors. Her favorite books at the moment are Curious George and Cinderella. She's growing up so fast!