When you have kids in another country, you work extra hard to try and make the holidays special for them. You have that feeling of nostalgia and wanting to share with them all the fun family traditions you had when you were a kid. Trying to re-create holiday traditions in a foreign country is far from easy. From searching for Halloween costumes and decorations, to finding all the ingredients for that special Thanksgiving recipe. This is the time of year when I really want to take my kids, hop a plane and go back home!
I'm thankful to have a few American friends in my area who can relate and help re-create these traditions. We organize Halloween parties, trick-or-treating outings, Thanksgiving dinners and other fun holiday get togethers.
November 13th will be 7 years I have been living in France. SEVEN! I'm still struggling with life here. I keep thinking it will eventually get better, but that feeling of wanting to leave never goes away. My daughter will be 5 in January, and I keep thinking how much fun it would be for her to start kindergarten next September. Last year, I thought for sure we would be back in the states by the time she was 5. As everyone knows, life doesn't always work out according to plan.
Living in France has given me some of the best experiences of my life. I adore my French family and greatly appreciate all that France has given me. Yet, I still feel like an outsider, a stranger, a foreigner. I don't fit in, and after 7 years....I doubt I ever will. Another thing that is becoming more apparent, my daughter is starting to realize that we're different. She's little miss chatter box now, so when we speak English in public it's even more obvious to others. We get looks, stares and comments from kids wondering why we are speaking a bizarre language. One day while waiting in line to pay for our groceries at Auchan, my daughter asked "why does everyone speak French all the time? Why don't they ever speak English?". Although she knows we live in a country called France where they speak French, she is curious as to why they never speak English like us. Because WE live in France, and WE speak English. I can understand how this can be just a tad bit confusing to a 4 year old!
When you read blogs about Americans living in France, most of the time you get a wonderful glimpse into French life. Although people do struggle with living here, most are able to adapt. But there are those like myself, who just weren't cut out for this kind of life. Getting over culture shock, learning a language, adjusting to a different way of life, keeping your own identity while trying to fit in....these are all difficult issues to deal with. Throw kids into the mix, and it gets 100x's harder. You have to put on a brave front and smile through it, for them. Now, I worry about my daughter (and when he's old enough to really talk, my son) feeling too different. Different is good, but not when you're made fun of or ostracized because of it.
Last Christmas, we went back to Florida to spend Christmas with my family. While I was there, I talked to an immigration attorney to find out how easy it would be to move back to the US. As it turns out, it would be quite easy. Especially now that my kids are officially Americans too. No more traveling to the US with French passports and getting questioned as to my intentions for bringing my French kids to the US!
Getting my husband on board with moving, that's another issue. The US economy, healthcare (or lack of it), no job security, guns and violence. After living in France, I can totally understand his reluctance. Despite my husband liking the US overall, it's going to be a hard sell.
And for the record, we speak English at home. My husband and I do not speak French to each other, though he does speak French to our kids. We live in our own English bubble at home. My husband acts much more American, than he does French! From his taste in music and sports, to the shows and movies he watches, to the work he does (working with international clients requires him to speak English on almost a daily basis). Do you see why I feel like we're in the wrong country?
So for now, I'll just get ready for Thanksgiving. I need more time to work more on my master plan. Operation: O'Canada! ;o)
To be continued....
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